Anytime you place the word “Step” in front of Mother or Father suddenly there’s an apologetic tone in the air. Many Step-parents have “stepped” up to the plate energetically taking on a position sometimes offering more woes than wonder.

Unlike biological parents, step-parents are deemed crappy until proven worthy. This is the adopted stigma before we are even old enough to read. Our childhood Fairytales almost always involve an evil step-parent seeking the demise or destruction of the inherited child for self-seeking purposes. The truth of the matter is: Step-parents are faced with the difficulty of trying to build a relationship with new children while not ignoring the needs of their biological ones.

First; there is the “Honeymoon” period, so to speak, where the step-parent makes an extraordinary effort to woo the child. This means he may have to bend his own child-rearing beliefs to establish trust and win favor. During this period, the biological children may be held to a higher standard of “getting along”. Once the honeymoon is over, what follows is walking the fine line of discipline. Should the step-parent discipline or steer clear from it? Is it fair to discipline biological children for something you may “look the other way” for with step-children? And if you “look the other way” does it give the step-child the perception the biological child is cared for more than him?

When entering this arena, there are always dilemmas to face, compromises to make, and days when the “S” on your chest isn’t so luminous. Despite the negative fairytales, step parenting can be a wonderful experience. It’s all in the approach;

- Never draw enemy lines with the kids. You’re not there to save a family; you are part of it so stay away from any unnecessary power moves.
- Discuss disciplinary measures with your spouse well in advance. All parents should be on board and informed of the consequences.
- Patience, patience, patience. It takes time to build any relationship that is going to be long-lasting so don’t give up when it looks like a storm is coming.

The fairytale stigma of step-parenting may not change however, in the real world people do recognize the honor in blending a family to make it complete.

Have you “stepped” up to the plate as a step-parent? What are your parenting woes and wonders?
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Californian Republican Party official Marilyn Davenport has finally apologized after collapsing under the scrutiny and outrage of those she serves: The American people.

Marilyn Davenport thought it to be nothing more than a light-hearted joke when she circulated an email depicting President Barack Obama and his parents as chimpanzees with the caption: “Now you know why – no birth Certificate!” Davenport contends, “In no way did I even consider the fact he is half black when I sent out the email.” Well Ms. Davenport, maybe you should have. Furthermore her lack of willingness to sincerely admit her faux pas is reminiscent of the Civil Rights Era. Her initial response,”Oh, come on! Everybody who knows me knows that I am not a racist. It was a joke. I have friends who are black. Besides, I only sent it to a few people–mostly people I didn’t think would be upset by it” exhibits a woman more irritated by the fact her character is called to question rather than someone who made an honest mistake.

The 74 year-old Tea Party activist and member of the Orange County Republican Central Commission later issued a more watered down apology: “To my fellow Americans and to everyone else who has seen this e-mail I forwarded and was offended by my action, I humbly apologize and ask for your forgiveness of my unwise behavior, I say unwise because at the time I received and forwarded the e-mail, I didn’t stop to think about the historic implications and other examples of how this could be offensive, I would never do anything to intentionally harm or berate others regardless of ethnicity, everyone who knows me knows that to be true.” Many GOP members have condemned her actions and are calling for her resignation.

Because the revised apology dons a tone of sincerity does not mean all consequences should be removed. The bottom line is; at 74 years old this woman has lived long enough to know right from wrong, moral from immoral, racist from non-racist. What’s done in the dark will always come to light and Ms. Davenport the light has been shed upon you!

The Associated Press reports as recent as today 12 taxi drivers and passengers were found dead in a span of 3 days beginning with this past Friday (2/18/2011). Of the 12, 1 was beheaded. January 2011 Associate press reported 31 dead in 4 days. Of the 31, 2 were police officers and 14 were decapitated. This violence isn’t limited to Acapulco, it is spread across the cities of Mexico and nowhere is safe. Juan Carlos Echeverri, a student of El Paso High School in Texas was killed by unknown gunmen when he crossed the border into Ciudad Juarez to purchase a car at a local dealership. He was 15 years old. The drug cartels are attacking with a vengeance to protect or claim their territory, and clearly they are winning. Law enforcement and the Mexico government is a joke. To rephrase my statement: The cartels are not winning; they have won!

Anyone planning to take advantage of the post card beaches would be better protected by their German shepherd, than the Mexican government. As for me, if I feel the urge to indulge I’ll take my chances in Miami.

It’s mid February and time is doing what it always does; moving forward, and fast. Time is consistent. It doesn’t matter what goes on in the world, there are always 24 hours in a day. Time seems gracious to us in our adolescence. When you’re a child it moves slowly and our infant minds want so bad to speed it up! We want to hurry and become a “big” person. Then we actually become a “big” person and realize how much time we have wasted. As soon as we adapt that awareness, time mocks us by moving at the speed of light (or so it seems).

The greatest gift is that we have control over what-we-do with our time. Remember your teen-age years? It was all about the direction adults set for you versus your personal dreams and goals. Most of us knew without a doubt what we wanted to be, the complicated part was getting there. Post graduation, Life introduced many other factors like bills, job, relationships, children, friendships, etc. Now there was even less time and you still had to sleep! Because of this, dreams fell to the wayside.

Reality causes many dreams to fade however YOU are the only person who has the power to make them disappear. Even if life threw a case full of monkey wrenches in your way, time will always allow you opportunity realize your dreams. One day when you’re old and gray you’ll reflect upon your life and accomplishments. If you’ve used time wisely your reflections will have few regrets.

Whether it’s moving fast or slow, time gives us 24 hours. The question is: How will you spend yours?

The plight of the Single Mom still weighs heavy in our community. Talk television has successfully down-played the seriousness with its satire of the term “Baby Mamma”; feeding our animalistic need to tap into other peoples misery.

Who could have predicted a simple phrase such as, “You are not the father” would be such an inter-woven part of our culture? The focus of fatherless children has shifted from responsibility to entertainment. As the Mother parades on stage wearing the Scarlet letter on her forehead, fault is never found in the Men who participated in unprotected sex as well. As Men celebrate, hi-five each other and shout simultaneous vulgarities at Scarlet Woman; no one considers the child is still void a Father.

How is it that a man can create a child from his seed and carry-on through life as if that child does not exist? Men, you have to stop treating your children as if they are disposable! Understand that once you insert yourself inside of a woman with no protection, YOU are responsible for whatever happens next! There are no excuses for not caring for a life you created. I know there are women out there who make it nearly impossible for you to be a father, but that’s your cross to bear and I feel no sorrow.
The sons of our Community are out there shooting one another because you allowed the streets to be their Mentor. The daughters of our Community are becoming Mothers too young because you allowed strangers to teach her what love is.

You see when children are treated as if they are disposable; they treat others as disposable Beings. Fathers, it’s time for you to step up and step in place as Mentors and Leaders for your children.
This week I’m asking the question: What happens when Fathers walk away? I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl !

First, I love Reality television. What originally drew me in was the unpredictability of its content, not to mention the depth of humility people will endure to be on television and win a prize. Now that a few stars have emerged from Reality television, everyone is vying for position to fit into the cookie cutter compartments. Omarosa gave birth to the Reality Bitch, Flavor Flav the Reality Pimp with Ms. New York supporting as the Bottom Ho. Donald Trump the Reality Businessman, The Osbourns as the Reality f’d-up family, Keyshia Cole brings to life the Reality crack cocaine element and Britney Spears the Reality…. Well you fill in the blank. The point is, once the doors are opened, the script is constantly re-circulating but with different Head-liners. Every nobody with a “looking for love” show has a mansion (that is not theirs for real) and a harem complete with drunks, booty-shakers, and those who should be committed in a mental institute. Whoever is the best performer in the Harem gets a spin-off show complete with more of the same. Toya from the Tiny and Toya show is afraid of every damn thing! I just want the producers to allow her to ease up on the term “afraid”. It’s clear she had been encouraged to use it without any limits. Yes Toya, I understand that being Lil Wayne’s ex-wife umpteen years ago has presented road blocks for you, but honestly…..I didn’t even know you were married to him before the show.

I just want Reality television to be the Reality television it used to be. This Un-reality realm I have entered is so disappointing. Oh and the Real Housewives of Atlanta; I purposely strayed from that one. That is a topic in itself!

O.k Good People, I need you to talk to me and give it to me straight. Am I the only one caught in the Un-reality Matrix?….Speak to me….I’m listening…..Holla at ya Gyrl!

We are gifted with a mind that has no limits or boundaries. I bet when you close your eyes and daydream, you see yourself as the person you want to be; strong, confident, large and successful. Then you return to life and start following rules again. Remember in Kindergarten how it was so important to color inside the lines? Even in our early development we were taught rules but not really allowed to foster our creativity and the things we are good at. Your mind paints a better reality of what you can become because no one is there reminding you to color inside the lines.

Let’s make 2009 the year we start and pace the race. Bringing your dreams into reality is more kin to a Marathon as opposed to a short sprint. But because we have no patience for the sacrifice, labor and mental training it takes to begin building an empire we tend to “hit the wall” around Spring disappointed the dream hasn’t come into fruition. We allow people to discourage us and we discourage ourselves with negative affirmations. You know what negative affirmations are? Excuses!

- “I can’t because of…”
- “I don’t have the money”
- “If my husband/wife would have supported me..”
- “I’m not that good yet..”

Can I love you enough to tell you no one should out-do your excitement for your own dreams? Furthermore, no one should work harder than you in pursuing your dreams. Here’s a question: If your only source of food came from what you grew on your own land, would you allow someone else to plant your seeds and nurture your soil? Think about it, I’ll wait…hmmmmmmmmmmmm….that’s what I thought! Then why do so with your dreams? You’ve talked about it long enough and you’ve hit the wall enough to know that short sprints don’t work. It’s time to pace your race. Are you ready for your Marathon?…..I’m listening…….Holla at ya Gyrl!