Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

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Isn’t it time to back up those Cackling Hens?

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

t.bmpIn our Love-ships we all need a shoulder to cry on and an ear burn out. Our girlfriends are heavily relied on to be our advocates, confidantes and personal “Amen” section in times of crisis. This kinship of support is vital; but girlfriend can I tell you something?

Keep those cackling hens out of your relationship!

Yeah I said it! Now exhale—–> ahhh < ----- and unravel your face. Many of you allow your “girlfriends” to have more say-so in your life than you’re man. There is definitely a special place reserved for them but not in marriages or relationships. The key word is “in”. You and Big Daddy are (((IN))) a relationship. Your girlfriends play the sideline position. What does that mean? They are SUPPORT ONLY. God made clear his intentions in the book of Genesis. First he created the Earth, then Adam, then Adams’ help meet; Eve. If God felt Eve needed an ally, he would have also created Jennifer to hang around and suck the life out of Adam and Eve’s relationship. Your girlfriends wish you well however they may be a little extra protective of your heart because it’s been broken a few times. Your job is to back them up a little so that Big Daddy knows without a doubt he is….Umm….Big.

I know it’s hard to let go of those Friday nights, Saturday afternoon soirees, day to day gossip and popping up at each other’s homes; you made a pact with your girls that you would never put them on the back burner, right? Well, you are in a relationship now therefore the dynamic of how your girlfriends fit into your life is changed. This is not a sad moment so pick your face up. Just think, at least 50% of our girlfriend time is spent talking about;

- Finding a good man
- Being cheated on by a man
- Leaving a no-good man
- Just met a man
- Somebody else’s man
- Man, man, man….

Now you get to spend your 50% talking about how Big Daddy keeps that smile on your face. Isn’t that beautiful?

Ladies, what role do your girlfriends play in your relationship?
Fella’s, do you feel like a third party in your own relationship?

Let your heart speak...I’m listening ….Holla at ya Gyrl!


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Posted in Relationships | 10 Comments »

Will You Be His Best Cheerleader?

Monday, March 16th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGWomen are intrinsic nurturers, advisers, instructors, and teachers. We are so patient and loving. Even when it’s necessary to impart “tough love” we do so with a loving hand. We are commissioned to be so many things that our role becomes one big blur in the handling of our children and our Men. I often hear men complain they are treated like children at home. Now let me clarify before I continue: Some of you (Men) are treated like children because you act like a child: This topic is not for you.

I want my Gyrlfriends with real Men to take a breath (Inhale…now exhale),then read what I have to say with an open heart and an honest mind.

Did you know your man needs you to be his best Cheerleader? That means when he comes home from work, greet him with excitement, kiss him with passion, and listen. That is his instant band-aid for the wounds he collected through out the day. See, I don’t know how to walk in a Mans’ shoes because I’m not one; but I do know that life beats harder on Men than Women. Therefore when he comes home feeling defeated (and he will), don’t go into “fix it” mode by lecturing or giving instruction. Your expertise is not needed. Plus, he can get an opinion from anyone; but what he does need?! he can ONLY get from YOU. YOU are the reason he battles the world, roars the loudest and grudgingly tucks his tail sometimes when he really wants to tell his boss to go to Hell. YOU are his motivation so be available! Be available to listen, nurture, massage his shoulders, rub his head, lay with him etc. More importantly take- his- side. Make it clear you are here for him. Remember, this is his moment so don’t one up him with a comparison of how bad your day was.

I know I’m always pointing the finger at us and its likely your wondering is all that really necessary? Nope, it isn’t. It’s only necessary if you’re with a man you truly love and plan on spending your life with.

Will you be his Best Cheerleader? Speak to me….I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl !


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Have You Replaced Your Man with a Boy?

Saturday, March 7th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGIt is amazing how often Women will state, “I need a real man”, not realizing they have already had many. I know there are some crappy picks in the litter, but how can you truly measure the Crappy vs the Worthy if you never allow your man to step up to the plate. A man has to feel in his heart he is needed by his woman. If he is not valued in his own home, he will drift.

When a man falls in love with you he is hardwired to please you, stand up for you, protect you and be a Man to you. He wants to pay the bills, fix stuff around the house (even if he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing), help you with chores, do his part with the children, and basically spoil you. But you make it difficult for him to own his role when you complain about everything he does. If he cleans the house, you point out what he missed; when he attempts to cook dinner you’re directing him on what to cook next time and how to cook it; when he is tough with the kids you undermine his authority in front of the kids, and if does anything on his own, your giving him unsolicited advice on how he can do it better the next time.

If your intentions were to commit yourself to a Man then stop treating him like a Boy! Talk to him with the respect he deserves, especially in front of his friends. You picked him and I’m assuming you would not choose a man you have no respect for, so back off a little.

I’m so relieved Men are not as “helpful” as we try to be :) They are so wonderful about not stepping into our territory and allowing us shine. Why not do the same for them?

Have you replaced your Man with a Boy? I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl!

Godspeed,

Latoya


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Posted in Relationships | 5 Comments »

What’s Most Important To You? Love or the Number.

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

toyagrn.JPGI am awestruck when in the presence of couples who have been married for decades. They recite their numbers with enormous pride and rightfully so. I find myself wanting to step into their shoes and know what love feels like after 20, 30, 40 plus years of marriage. I wait anxiously for the story behind the number, but it never follows; and when I ask questions such as, “what is the glue that keeps your marriage together? Or How do you stay together so long?” the question is proceeded with an uncomfortable silence. Although Love and Marriage are compatible with one another I bet if you asked the questions; How long have you been married? and How long have you been in love? It is likely you would get 2 different answers.

Our fixation with the number of years married seems to over-ride whether passion and deep love still exist. I had an “ah ha” moment when I was confided in by someone close to me married almost 30 years. In my life, this couple was comparable to the “Huxtables” ; envied by most, financially sound, and seemingly affectionate toward one another. A tragic event happened which lead me to her and as our conversation became more intimate she disclosed the details of her loveless marriage and regrets not divorcing at her 10 year mark. She described virtually two strangers living among each other raising children. Now in her late forties, she has accepted her way of life as being as good as it gets.

One of my biggest fears is to look back on my life in my old age and regret not having the courage to make a decision that would have changed my life. I don’t claim to fully understand love but I do know I have not been to the depth of it. I know I would never negotiate love for the sake of a number. I would never choose a number over love. How about you?

I want to know, how many of you find that your number of years married are synonymous (or not) with love….I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

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Posted in Relationships | 4 Comments »

Has Cupid’s Arrow Hit the Center of Your Heart?

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGValentine’s Day is in 3 days! Ladies by now you should already have your Nani cosmetically and hygienically correct, your “smell good” lotion on deck and a sexy ass outfit complimenting the assets. Forget about being a Mama/Wife, bring out his Girlfriend and surprise him with something unexpected.
I hope you Daddies didn’t wait until now to plan your day. You know how you are and if you want your love day to begin and end with some loving you’d better appear to have had V-Day planned well in advance.

For guys, V-day is a no-brainer; it’s practically text book: 1. show up with flowers and/or chocolate, 2. go out to dinner, 3. tell your woman how fine she is. You do those things and you are guaranteed a night of good sex, I promise..Even if you’re single. See women will not spend V-day with someone they don’t want to have sex with. The moment she agreed to spend Valentine’s Day with you, the decision was made that very moment. You are chosen and it’s going down. The only way that changes is if YOU (Big Daddy) mess it up.
Fellas, may I recommend that you leave the dress up and costumes to the Ladies? Unless you are a Male Exotic Dancer for real, leave the g-string and stripper dancing to us. PLEASE don’t buy bikini underwear with 3d characters in the front. Better yet, don’t buy bikini underwear at all, or those corny heart boxer shorts. We (women) look sexy in fantasy wear; you (men) just look emasculated. Trust me, you have the prize and when it’s stiff that’s the best outfit ever.

Now that I have established and reaffirmed the Valentine’s Day rituals and faux pas, I’m asking the question; has cupid’s arrow hit the center of your heart? What are your plans for Valentines Day? I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

Godspeed
Latoya


Posted in Relationships | 7 Comments »

Have You Been Directed or Re-directed To The Right Keeper?

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGAt conception we are given one of the greatest gifts; a Heart. This Heart is given “brand new” and works for us immediately. Before we experience our first breath of life, your heart has already begun its task.

To say you have kept something close to your heart means you have guarded it as your own and made it part of you. To love someone with all of your heart is to say you trust that person with the one thing which makes you vulnerable. Your heart is the core of who you are. How is it that an instrument so important often gets placed in the wrong hands?

At birth our parents and caretakers are assigned as Keepers of our heart then at some point we are given authority; authority to keep our own Heart until we place it in the hands of someone. It is not realized how difficult this is until our heart is misplaced through many hands. The end result is: we become too restrictive or too careless.

In restriction, we are so untrusting it’s nearly impossible to discern placement. The fear of another broken heart grips us so strong that we refuse to let it go. In carelessness we are so desperate for a Keeper that we hand-over our heart to almost anyone. Knowingly, we place our heart into undeserving hands. Sometimes forcing it in hands of men who want nothing to do with it! Even in marriage you may discover that you gave the wrong person charge over your Heart. The Keeper of your Heart is your breast plate and shield. He recognizes your heart is fragile and does not seek to break it. He undoubtedly loves you and guards your heart with a passion. It’s his promise to you.

How are we directed or redirected to the right Keeper? It starts with you. This is one of the few areas you have total control over so use it wisely!
- Recognize the mistakes you make repeatedly in your Relationships. They are usually a reflection of your own fears and weakness and we tend to attach ourselves to men we think can fix or soothe them. The fix is only temporary and when the relationship ends you still have the same wound only now it’s’ bigger.
- Treat your own heart the way you expect it to be treated. That means falling in love with you first, but not in an arrogant sense. Take the time to learn you with the same excitement you would apply to learning about a new lover.
- Clean House: rid your heart of that old debris and trash that made it hard and heavy. Make it joyful again so that you attract like-kind.
Now your heart is ready to be released without any restrictions to the right Keeper. Have you been directed or re-directed to the right Keeper? I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl !


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Can I Tell You What I Need?

Sunday, November 16th, 2008

toyapnk.JPGWomen are the most complex creatures God created. I imagine that when God realized Adam needed a help meet (Gen 2:18 KJV) even He may have rested his thumb and index finger on his chin, shook his head side to side, looked at all his holy materials and thought, “Where do I start?”

From Adams’ rib God created the only Helper and supporter you will ever need on this Earth. How else would we be able to fight you, love you, feed you, nurture you, smile for you (even when you don’t deserve one), and live with stretch marks for you?

When we truly love you, we are a damn good help meet. We know your needs whether you verbally express them or not, but….what we are not so good at is expressing what we need from you. In that aspect, we operate more on an emotional level than a practical one. Instead of just saying, “I need you to pay more attention to me,” we hope that you read our minds, our body language, heed our subtle sometimes enormous hints, or notice anything that will make you ask, “what’s wrong?”. Then….when you comply and ask the magic question, we reply with a pathetic, “nothing.” Which 99.9% of the time ALWAYS means it’s….. something!

Can I speak for myself and maybe a few other women and tell you what we need? What I need?

I need you to hug me first, hold me tight for no reason at all, tell me I’m beautiful, kiss me the way you used to, talk to me, trust me with your fears, surprise me with a gift, call me in the middle of the day and tell me how much you miss me, play with me, laugh with me, make love to me passionately, listen to me, be interested in me, & be my protector.

Me Me Me!…I know it may sound a little Me “ish”, but whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, this is what we need from you & likely won’t tell you.

Are we asking too much?…I’m listening, now Holla at ya Gyrl !

Godspeed
~Latoya~

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Posted in Relationships | 16 Comments »

Are These 5 Words Ruining Your Chances of Finding a Good Man?

Sunday, November 9th, 2008

toyapnk.JPG
1. I
2. DON’T
3. NEED
4. A
5. MAN

From my teens to early twenties I used to be part of the “I don’t need a man!” club. Sista’s who appeared successful, confident and having it all seemed to be singing the same song. I, being a young impressionable woman, trying to paint my own path, thought I had to join in the chorus to be respected by men.

Many of us were lead to believe a woman’s Independence is synonymous with being void of a man and what he brings to the table. Although the feminist movement is long gone, its basic beliefs are ever existent. We are supposed to be smarter, competitive, bring home bigger salaries and better groceries…oh and my favorite…we don’t even need men to have children anymore! We can now go to Sperm R Us and buy as much as we want eliminating the hassle of having SEX with a man!!! How did we ever get caught in this web of ideology? I was born into it, so even I don’t know!

But what I do know is a Man’s inherent nature. He was created to lead, take charge, supply, and protect. He is the hunter vying for position in your life. He wants to be your warrior and is eager to thrust himself into battle against beast, just for you; and in five words, you’ve stripped away his purpose.

Let’s just stop a moment and let that sit…In five words, you’ve stripped away His purpose; His God given right to care for you, protect you, bring food to you, lift you above his shoulders, above himself.

Most women who scream “I don’t need a man” the loudest are the very ones trying to figure out what went wrong relationship after relationship…No surprise to me.

Whew!!! I bet you didn’t even realize you were doing all that. You thought you were showing him what a good job you’ve done on your own and now all you need from him is Love…

Today, I’m in the “I Need, Love, and Appreciate a Man” club and I’m one member strong thus far. Anyone else joining?

Godspeed
~Latoya~

Posted in Relationships | 18 Comments »

Does Romance Have To Die?

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008

jus-me.JPGI saw a story on the news not long ago. The story featured a man who loved his wife so much he wrote her love letters every single day of their relationship. This couple had been married for over 30 years and for 30 years, every day, his wife received a letter. Although I would never ever hold anyone to such a standard, the beauty of the story is its purity. The glue that kept this couple together was something as simple as a daily expression written from his heart. Some men just don’t get that.

The reason a woman begins to open her heart to her suitor is because of the way he is Romancing her. When a man Romances a woman he is letting his guard down and peeling away some of the roughness to reveal a softer side of him self. In his quest for a permanent position in her heart, he is doing things he once thought were silly. Writing letters, poems, cooking special meals, sharing intimate details about himself he would not normally share, and his abundance of his affection are all Romantic deeds us women soak up like a sponge.

We fall in love with you because of that.

Nothing is more wonderful than being Romanced by someone you love and adore. My heart melts when a man has the ability to make me blush only with the words he speaks. The act of being Romantic has more to do with opening your heart and imagination than it does your wallet. It’s about your effort and genuine need to do special things for your woman that is of you and from you. Being Romantic is giving of your self and creating those moments sacred to you and her.

If all men could aspire to be as the man who never stopped writing his love letters, Romance would never have a chance to die.

Does Romance Have to Die?….I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

Godspeed
~Latoya~

Posted in Relationships | 1 Comment »

Why Won’t You Let Your Husband Have His Girlfriend?

Monday, October 13th, 2008

jus-me.JPGThe moment you read my question you probably thought I had officially lost my mind…yeah, I know what you’re thinking too. No, I haven’t lost mind and yes, I said it! YOU need to LET your Husband have his girlfriend.

Remember when you used to be his girlfriend years ago? You did what ever you had to do to make sure you were available to answer his phone calls. When you said “hello” into the receiver the tone of your voice changed immediately to a sultry purr. He knew he was Daddy and Daddy couldn’t wait to see his Girlfriend. He loved when you used to wear those low cut tops and the “girls” peeked out just enough to tantalize. He was licking his lips enjoying that appetizer. Then when you turned to walk away from him and swayed your ass the only way a sista’ can, he was hypnotized. You were flawless in your simulation of cluelessness.

Why did you stop being his Girlfriend?

I applaud you for being a wonderful Mother to your children as well as a faithful, dedicated wife to your Husband, but it’s not enough. In your quest to accomplish one goal, you lost sight of the basics which is being your husband’s Girlfriend. Take your mentality back to Girlfriend mode, when you were fighting for his last name. You wanted to feed him, nurse him, nurture him, sex him, taste him and love him. You wanted him deep inside you and while he was there you kept him going talking all nasty in his ear.

Why did you stop being his Girlfriend?

You don’t always have to cook a 3 course meal & tire yourself out before Daddy comes home. Order take-out, skip the laundry and put the kids to bed early. If you can’t get them to bed, be creative. Put on their favorite DVD and take your husband to the bathroom for a quickie. If you really want to keep it sexy and Girlfriend-ish, Go Deep and watch that sparkle return to his eyes.

Are you ready to let him have his Girlfriend? …..Holla at ya Gyrl !

Godspeed
~Latoya~

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Posted in Relationships | 15 Comments »

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