Sex & Relationships

Social Networks are taking the blame for everything these days: suicides, cyber bullying, crime, and….divorce. It was once believed people were the cause of these events however news report after news report tells us different.

Welcome to the era of No Responsibility: an era where people are deemed blameless for acting on their own curiosities and inanimate objects are held liable. The world shrinks as we advance in technology. Those who we never anticipate to cross paths with are now only a click away. Lost loves are no longer lost and every candle has a chance to re-kindle. Social Networks can be a double-edged sword. As much as they give us a chance to make amends, close gaps, and keep in touch with our loved ones across the miles; they also construct a distorted sense of re-creation. Social networking allows all the time and privacy needed to create an intimate environment for re-hashing those memories.

In the midst of a Relationship storm these connections present a false rainbow making one believe lost loves will pick up where they left off. No one takes in account that the person you loved 15 or 20 years ago is not that same person you left 15 or 20 years ago. Life takes us in our various directions and we mature into the people we become. So thinking “Betty” at age 40 is the same “Betty” you remembered in your youth is foolish, yet many marriages end on this subscribed understanding. Does this mean married people shouldn’t network? Of course not, but there should be clear boundaries and limits placed on those you Friend as well as a mutual agreement between spouses of who are acceptable friends.

Having rules and restrictions may take the fun out of social networking but not having any could place you in a bind having to choose between your marriage and a social network….

I’ve said my Peace now it’s time for the question: Is Social Networking a Relationship Destroyer?

Women are reared to give everything; heart, soul, energy, attention etc.. But rarely are we taught how and when to issue that delicate part of us. I believe our most beautiful attribute is the ability to dig into our core, unguarded, and hand over the essence of us to someone we love. Although we do it naively (more often than not), it is the purest form of love one could ever give. Because of this, I encourage you to issue with caution! Sometimes we approach love with a one-sided view. It kinda goes like this:

“I love him therefore I am going to put everything into this relationship and he will love me back”.

Right….. about….. here is where we need to pump the brakes because this is how we get mis-positioned our relationships. Before he even declares he is ready to step into Big Daddy shoes, you start giving him Big Daddy treatment with no merit! It hurts to put that kind of energy into a Man just to have him tell you he didn’t want a relationship in the first place. There are some sly foxes out there whose mission is to seek and destroy your heart, but those types of men are few and far in-between. We have to be honest with ourselves and admit the same mistake has been repeated: Planting seeds in rejected soil.

I don’t care how great of a person you are, how dedicated you are, how loyal you are, how great of a cook you are, how much of a down-ass chic/woman you are, how good you look, or if your sex is the bomb; if a man is not ready to plant his feet then he is not ready to plant his feet! And no matter what you bring to the table it will be a temporary situation. When the heart has been stepped on one-time too much that pureness we hold becomes damaged. We start to look damaged, walk damaged and speak the damaged lingo (“I don’t need a man” “I’m independent” “a man can’t do shit for me”). When good men do approach they quickly get shooed away because you can no longer discern good guys from the sly foxes.

However, unlike damaged goods, YOU CAN BE SALVAGED, REPAIRED AND RENEWED! I must assume our loving Creator did not give us the ability to receive and give love only to be covered in hurt and pain. Love is too huge and genuine to be contained. To contain Love would be like attempting to pull the oxygen from the atmosphere and issue it in increments; it just ain’t happening!

Ladies before you start giving out the best of you, ask yourself first: Who deserves me?

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There comes a time in all lasting relationships where one must evaluate what’s really going on in the bedroom. You don’t have to tell me anything, but be honest with yourself. Is your bedroom as hot as used to be? Take your time and think about it, I’ll wait…if your answer was an immediate “Yes!”, click off this topic because it’s not for you. The rest of ya’ll stay with me.

Every creation has a start and a progression. We start out as one person and during the progression period, we discover many new things about ourselves and evolve into another. Surprisingly, in our relationships; rarely do we progress in the bedroom. Too often Men arrogantly think they know what their woman wants and too often women will sheepishly not say anything. Add those two up and eventually you end up with b-o-r-i-n-g. Marriage and long-term relationships come with the stigma that eventually sex gets stale because your sexing the same person day after day after day. Sex is NEVER stale but failure to grow-up your sex game will keep your bedroom Vanilla and mild.

For example, if Big Daddy tells me his favorite way to eat chicken is fried; does it mean that is the ONLY way I should prepare it for the rest of our lives? So for you Big Daddies out there, please don’t assume that the way you fore-played 10 years ago is the same foreplay she wants 10 years forward. A woman’s body has so many erogenous zones that you should be thanking the Creator for giving you such a wonderful playground to discover.

Fellas’, not only are you the Head of your Household, more importantly you are Captain of the bedroom ship. So if you are complaining that your woman is not doing this or that in the bedroom, it’s a direct reflection on you! I’m not placing all the blame on you (yes I am), but you have to realize you have at least 99% control over what your woman will do for YOU. As Captain of your ship, you should be able to;
1. Make your woman wet without laying one finger on her – we have 5 senses; please do not neglect the audible one. Hearing is very powerful. If I’m in L.A. and you’re in N.Y. I should be able to respond to you as if we are in the same room.
2. Make me move my boundary line (a little). Most women have an Inner-porn star sleeping inside them. It’s the Captain’s job to wake her up. Us Ladies are a demure species and sometimes we wait for you (Big Daddy) to give us permission to un-leash the other-side. Use your power and be a great motivator in your bedroom.
3. Pace and control my Orgasm by using all the equipment on the “playground”.

If you are unable to do those things, it’s time to start growing-up your sex-game. I’m not writing this to point fingers or go tit-for- tat. I’m merely reminding you or in some cases enlightening you on your true power. Don’t be so arrogant in thinking if you have a big…..that will be enough. I’m telling you now it isn’t so get over it. A woman’s most dominant and responsive and sex organ is her mind..so get in it and trade having sex for having an experience.

Fellas’; Have you grown-up your sex-game? Ladies if I’m missing the mark on this, please let me know. I’ve said my word, now I need you to Holla at ya Gyrl!