The concept of marriage has become more about conformity and expectation rather than development of a Relationship. As soon as we join in Holy Matrimony, the word relationship leaves our vocabulary all together. It’s as if the top of the mountain is reached and there is nothing left to work on. Prior to marriage, when we are in “relationship” our behavior toward each other is so accommodating and gracious. We understand that sometimes a compromise is necessary to work through issues; we respect our differences. In “relationship” your love is avowed and there is no room for uncertainties…. Then…. we enter the Institution of Marriage and all the gratitude turns into attitude and enrapture changes to entitlement. We interpret that Deed to mean: “I own you and with this contract you must abide by the laws of my wants!” There is no asking; only demanding. Winning a disagreement becomes bigger than the issue at hand. This Institution makes a woman believe her husband doesn’t love her if he’s empty handed on Valentine’s Day, as if the other 364 days meant nothing. This Institution makes a man feel if he isn’t firmly dictating the decree in his home, he has no control of it. I don’t understand the shift to a totalitarian state of mind.

When we enter in union, an eminent more spiritual level of relationship is approached. In order for that to grow, it must be nurtured. What am I saying? There is a RELATIONSHIP that continues to build after marriage and it’s far more personal than an Institution.

I may be against the Institution of Marriage however I am 100% for the Relationship of Marriage.

Technology has forever changed the way we live. We went from exercising patience to expecting everything now and right now! Meals are micro waved in minutes, obtaining information is instant, and our cell phones are used for everything except talking. With the abundance of communication routes our relationships with one another should be thriving as well, however that is not the case.

Families and couples are disengaging from one of our basic needs: physical human contact. Walk into any household and more often than not your eyes will be met with family members engaged in their laptops or tablets. The rule of eye contact is becoming obsolete as people prefer to handle their conversations electronically.

I watched a show on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) called Kidnapped by the Kids. The show profiles families who are torn apart due to work-aholic parents unable to disconnect from cyber world to connect with their families in the real world. It was heartbreaking to watch these children begging and pleading for something they have a right to as little beings on this earth: quality time.

As our time shortens on this earth I can only hope we remember the only relationships we hold close to heart are the ones we form with people, not inanimate objects.

Does your technological gadgets receive more quality time than your family? Now I want to hear from you. Holla at ya Gyrl!

How do the committed have fun with social networking without falling into the traps?

1. Don’t hide anything. Your page should be open to your spouse as well. Trust and respect of each other’s privacy is important but refraining from locking down your profile keeps the Invaders at bay and eliminates the temptation to indulge in questionable conversations.

2. Beware of Invaders! Invaders are people from your past or present who are looking to invade your relationship. They can be old loves, high school sweethearts, some who had or currently has a crush on you. An Invader will always throw a hook out regardless of the clarity of your relationship status. Their job is to lurk around and find the weak spots needed to move in. Pictures, status updates, and groups you join speak as much about you as a mini biography. If a solid relationship is presented, the Invaders will move on, but ….if you’re portraying yourself as the lonely girl needing attention, it will most definitely receive it as such.

3. Always respect the one your with first. Social networking is fun but it shouldn’t be the “other” person in your life. Be mindful of provocative photo’s, sexual innuendos, and exposing too much of your marital woes. All these things indicate you are welcoming the wrong kind of attention. Invaders love it! It’s the green light they need to start chatting and sending you Inbox messages.

Social Networking is the new Club scene and with that comes everything you would expect while being at the club. Remember; your “friends” are going to respond to what you release into cyber space. It’s your canvas, be guarded in the story you tell.

Is Facebook the “other” person in your life?…Holla at ya Gyrl!

Social Networks are taking the blame for everything these days: suicides, cyber bullying, crime, and….divorce. It was once believed people were the cause of these events however news report after news report tells us different.

Welcome to the era of No Responsibility: an era where people are deemed blameless for acting on their own curiosities and inanimate objects are held liable. The world shrinks as we advance in technology. Those who we never anticipate to cross paths with are now only a click away. Lost loves are no longer lost and every candle has a chance to re-kindle. Social Networks can be a double-edged sword. As much as they give us a chance to make amends, close gaps, and keep in touch with our loved ones across the miles; they also construct a distorted sense of re-creation. Social networking allows all the time and privacy needed to create an intimate environment for re-hashing those memories.

In the midst of a Relationship storm these connections present a false rainbow making one believe lost loves will pick up where they left off. No one takes in account that the person you loved 15 or 20 years ago is not that same person you left 15 or 20 years ago. Life takes us in our various directions and we mature into the people we become. So thinking “Betty” at age 40 is the same “Betty” you remembered in your youth is foolish, yet many marriages end on this subscribed understanding. Does this mean married people shouldn’t network? Of course not, but there should be clear boundaries and limits placed on those you Friend as well as a mutual agreement between spouses of who are acceptable friends.

Having rules and restrictions may take the fun out of social networking but not having any could place you in a bind having to choose between your marriage and a social network….

I’ve said my Peace now it’s time for the question: Is Social Networking a Relationship Destroyer?

Our ignorance about a Man’s heart is….well….downright ignorant! Yes, Men are more cosmetically attracted to women than we are to men; it’s the way our puzzle pieces fit together. A Woman’s beauty is the lure, but it isn’t the food. If your goal is to lock yourself in the Woman/Wife position and not be admonished as a lifetime Booty-Call or Side-Piece let me suggest you step your game up and dig deeper than your beauty. The man focusing his attention on you is not with you solely because your weave is tight, make-up flawless, and your figure is nice. Gone are the days one can aspire to be a Trophy Woman. In today’s world where perfection can be purchased at every corner cosmetic surgery center, the competition is massive!

I have had many conversations with women dumbfounded they’ve been left behind and the new Boo is mediocre in comparison. What sets you apart from others, has everything to do with your personality, conversation, drive, compassion and your heart. It is engaging when a man knows you can mingle in any circle without his assistance, are invested in your future, keep your bills paid and your house in order, and the ability to cook a meal never hurts either. Even if he hasn’t expressed this upfront, please know he is observing and taking notes.

If you want a man who is about something, definitely assume his search is for a woman who is about something as well.

That’s my word, now it’s your turn to Holla at ya Gyrl !

After those feel good chemicals have released from your brain take the ingredients for your dessert and place them across the table. The dessert should have no more than 2 or 3 ingredients. Sit on his lap then feed him slow with your finger. Smear it on and around his mouth and use your tongue and lips as a cleaning device to remove the mess you made. His body is already heating up so don’t rush to the finish! Look in his eyes; observe the pleasure expressed on his face, and then continue to have your dessert together. Be creative and smear it where ever you like on each others body. This is the mess that’s fun to clean up, so make it!

There are no steps or certain way to do this. Whomever has the dessert smeared on them, the other person has to use their cleaning device to remove it.

I know you were always told not to play with your food; well this is the exception to the rule..so play!

Sample desserts;
- Strawberries & whipped cream
- Ice cream sundae
- Chocolate dipped strawberries or other fruit
- Cake with frosting

Ready for some Dessert Play? I’m listening..Holla at ya Gyrl!

Our most difficult struggles yield the greatest reward, yet we are taught a one sided view of struggle and hard-times being synonymous with tragedy. Like a caterpillar going through Metamorphosis, once the caterpillar is a butterfly he will never be a caterpillar again. He will no longer inch along on the same leaves and stems because now he is able to fly. Most of us give-up on transition right at the point of becoming a cocoon and stay stuck right there! The fear of doing something different, changing your circle of friends and taking risks keep you from breaking out of that shell.

Moving forward and experiencing all or as much as there is to offer always involves leaving people behind. Transition is a unique battlefield and in order to see completion we MUST leave people behind. Leaving people doesn’t mean you’ve left them for dead. It’s allowing them space to experience their own metamorphosis and YOU are the lead runner so they can see what waits at the end.

Are you ready to complete your Metamorphosis?…I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl!

“I love him therefore I am going to put everything into this relationship and he will love me back”.

Right….. about….. here is where we need to pump the brakes because this is how we get mis-positioned our relationships. Before he even declares he is ready to step into Big Daddy shoes, you start giving him Big Daddy treatment with no merit! It hurts to put that kind of energy into a Man just to have him tell you he didn’t want a relationship in the first place. There are some sly foxes out there whose mission is to seek and destroy your heart, but those types of men are few and far in-between. We have to be honest with ourselves and admit the same mistake has been repeated: Planting seeds in rejected soil.

I don’t care how great of a person you are, how dedicated you are, how loyal you are, how great of a cook you are, how much of a down-ass chic/woman you are, how good you look, or if your sex is the bomb; if a man is not ready to plant his feet then he is not ready to plant his feet! And no matter what you bring to the table it will be a temporary situation. When the heart has been stepped on one-time too much that pureness we hold becomes damaged. We start to look damaged, walk damaged and speak the damaged lingo (“I don’t need a man” “I’m independent” “a man can’t do shit for me”). When good men do approach they quickly get shooed away because you can no longer discern good guys from the sly foxes.

However, unlike damaged goods, YOU CAN BE SALVAGED, REPAIRED AND RENEWED! I must assume our loving Creator did not give us the ability to receive and give love only to be covered in hurt and pain. Love is too huge and genuine to be contained. To contain Love would be like attempting to pull the oxygen from the atmosphere and issue it in increments; it just ain’t happening!

Ladies before you start giving out the best of you, ask yourself first: Who deserves me?

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The excitement of “the moment” feels so good that it brings forth a push to rush to the next phase; but this is the time to pause, inhale deep….. Then slowly exhale….. and live in it. As yesterday escapes us and tomorrow remains undetermined, this moment you are experiencing is right now! And one you can hover in.

When you plant your seeds and begin to take steps with this person, the road ahead is unpredictable. Whether you recall your moment with your Love while sitting in rocking chairs or hold it in your heart as a memory of what was, you will never regret taking the time to inhale and absorb its joy for all its worth.

Now I’m asking: Will you hover in your Moment?…I’m listening…now Holla at ya Gyrl!

Sense of touch and sight are utilized most in the bedroom. Whether its direct or through your mind’s eye the body is responsive to what you see then you want to touch what has awakened that sense. As the sensation of sight and touch overtake us; we rush to give in to our animal instinct. For most, intercourse begins here with the rest of the senses being benched again! However this would be the perfect time to stop and slooowwww down. While your lips travel through curves and valleys, inhale slowly and allow your most primitive sense to awaken; smell.

The pheromones being released by your partner draw you into a higher state of arousal. These Human chemicals are commanding enough to override any inhibitions you may have, therefore use this to stimulate the ears. Have you ever had or gave a good ear-gasm? The reality of people paying to hear sex-talk illustrates how powerful voice is. To some there is nothing greater than hearing, their partner tell them (in a very very very explicit manner) what is going to be done to their body. Speak your desires and intentions into the ear and see how quickly the body prepares for the last sense of stimulus; Taste.

Ready to experience all 5?…I’m listeniing…Holla at ya Gyrl!