Is it time to grow-up your game?

January 10th, 2010

toya09There comes a time in all lasting relationships where one must evaluate what’s really going on in the bedroom. You don’t have to tell me anything, but be honest with yourself. Is your bedroom as hot as used to be? Take your time and think about it, I’ll wait…if your answer was an immediate “Yes!”, click off this topic because it’s not for you. The rest of ya’ll stay with me.

Every creation has a start and a progression. We start out as one person and during the progression period, we discover many new things about ourselves and evolve into another. Surprisingly, in our relationships; rarely do we progress in the bedroom. Too often Men arrogantly think they know what their woman wants and too often women will sheepishly not say anything. Add those two up and eventually you end up with b-o-r-i-n-g. Marriage and long-term relationships come with the stigma that eventually sex gets stale because your sexing the same person day after day after day. Sex is NEVER stale but failure to grow-up your sex game will keep your bedroom Vanilla and mild.

For example, if Big Daddy tells me his favorite way to eat chicken is fried; does it mean that is the ONLY way I should prepare it for the rest of our lives? So for you Big Daddies out there, please don’t assume that the way you fore-played 10 years ago is the same foreplay she wants 10 years forward. A woman’s body has so many erogenous zones that you should be thanking the Creator for giving you such a wonderful playground to discover.

Fellas’, not only are you the Head of your Household, more importantly you are Captain of the bedroom ship. So if you are complaining that your woman is not doing this or that in the bedroom, it’s a direct reflection on you! I’m not placing all the blame on you (yes I am), but you have to realize you have at least 99% control over what your woman will do for YOU. As Captain of your ship, you should be able to;
1. Make your woman wet without laying one finger on her – we have 5 senses; please do not neglect the audible one. Hearing is very powerful. If I’m in L.A. and you’re in N.Y. I should be able to respond to you as if we are in the same room.
2. Make me move my boundary line (a little). Most women have an Inner-porn star sleeping inside them. It’s the Captain’s job to wake her up. Us Ladies are a demure species and sometimes we wait for you (Big Daddy) to give us permission to un-leash the other-side. Use your power and be a great motivator in your bedroom.
3. Pace and control my Orgasm by using all the equipment on the “playground”.

If you are unable to do those things, it’s time to start growing-up your sex-game. I’m not writing this to point fingers or go tit-for- tat. I’m merely reminding you or in some cases enlightening you on your true power. Don’t be so arrogant in thinking if you have a big…..that will be enough. I’m telling you now it isn’t so get over it. A woman’s most dominant and responsive and sex organ is her mind..so get in it and trade having sex for having an experience.

Fellas’; Have you grown-up your sex-game? Ladies if I’m missing the mark on this, please let me know. I’ve said my word, now I need you to Holla at ya Gyrl!

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Do you believe you have the power to change the future?

December 8th, 2009

toya09A woman’s body is truly a work of art. Equipped with all its bumps, curves, valleys and mountains, it isn’t difficult to understand why a woman’s physique has its own symbolism. With symbolism comes power/influence and when you know how to work them, Gyrlfriend you can change the world! Technically speaking, it has already been done. God made clear his orders when he told Adam he could eat fruit from any tree in the Garden of Eden except the apple tree in the corner with the serpent crawling around it. Adam was doing fine until one day Eve walked up with an apple in her hand, swaying her hips and hypnotizing him with her Coca Cola bottle curves. Every-thing his Father told him went out the window..or out the Garden. From this, two lessons were learned;

1. Women have the power to change the future, and;
2. Men really do think with their…eh em…you know what I mean.

With power comes responsibility and aside from a few hiccups, history shows we have used our power for the greater good. Imagine a soldier on the battle field. Needing a mental break from the chaos, he seeks a moment of solace so he can get his head back in the game. From his pocket comes a scented photo of whom???? That’s right, his Woman. He’s just been given all the power he needs to shift into second gear. After a rough day at work a man wants to come home, kick his feet up and see what???? …the beautiful smiling face of his Woman; preferably with a drink in her hand. Women were born with everything necessary to make this world a better place; no assembly required.

However as time went on we allowed “Invaders” to spew their empty rhetoric making a Woman feel shameful for being her natural self. These Invaders damned you for keeping yourself pretty and utilizing your womanly influence. Us Ladies were convinced that in order to make it in this world we had to dress like men, walk like men and talk like men. It wasn’t enough to do what we were born to do; now we had to compete with men and flex our muscle as well. Then the Mother lode of them all (drum roll): The Invaders convinced Women that we can conceive and raise children all by ourselves.

Like my Grand Mama would say, “Mmmm…Mmmm…Mmmm.”

As Daughters of this earth and the balance of Man, a woman’s power is strongest when we walk in our shoes, not His. Our curves and soft features command attention so that we do not have to speak. Our hearts were made to forgive, nurture, love, encourage, strengthen and protect. We are gifted with the ability to persuade, control and change the hearts of men. How quickly we forget…….. Eve changed the future with an apple and her natural self.

Now I’m asking you: Do you believe you have the power to change the future?…I’m listening..Holla at ya Gyrl!

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Are you satisfied with your Reaping?

September 21st, 2009

tpnk2.JPGHumans are soooo special. I say humans because we are the only species with enough intelligence to convince ourselves we can defy the laws of nature!
If you take a seed from an orange and plant it, oranges will produce. If you take watermelon seeds and plant them, is there any doubt watermelons will grow? If you did nothing with the seeds…you are correct in assuming nothing will be produced. Yet when it comes to us and what we sow in our life, we act as if different rules apply. We arrogantly believe if we plant ugliness into our lives, beauty will grow; when we plant misery, we expect love in return and if we put great effort toward nothing, we live under the assumption fortune will still find us.
Can I tell you something out of pure love? If you wake up every day UNhappy, UNfulfilled, UNhopeful and on the UNfortunate end of the scale, then it’s time to get rid of those “UNs’” and evaluate the things you are sowing into your life. Let’s do this together. First ((((inhale))))…wait a couple of seconds, now ((((exhale)))). We adapt this behavior through one of two ways;
1. Influence
2. Choice
Influence; Many of us were born into this foundation of negativity. Through parents and/or other dominant influences you were led to believe that you only get … out of life and shouldn’t expect anything more. As a child, anything you did yielding positive results was shot down with negative consequences and any sliver of hope you intuitively grasped onto became diminished over time. You live in a world of Uns’ because as you make your way through life that is all you identify with. The energy you plant/sow is of expected disappointment, expected darkness, expected half-empty glass, expectation of things going wrong, expectation of not having many friends, and expectation of bad relationships. If Greatness slapped you in the face you would still walk right by it dumbfounded and blinded of its presence.

Choice; this is the worst of the two because you wake-up every day making a conscious choice to see the half-empty glass. When the sun shines bright on you, you purposely shield it away to see if any dark clouds are left. Your fear of failure is so strong that you prefer to live in the UN’s. When positive people engage you, eventually you shoo them away with your misery. In your mind; no one treats you right, no one likes you, you never get invited anywhere, and no one wants to help you. The truth is, if 23 out of 24 hours a day went perfect, you would only tell others about that one hour that went wrong. The problem is YOU-are-the-problem and need a 911 change of perspective.

We cannot do the bare minimum and expect maximum results, just as we cannot expect that planting an orange seed will produce a watermelon. ..In order to get better, be better, and do better it’s a must that we open our awareness of self. “You reap what you sow” is a saying that applies across the board. Take an honest evaluation of the seeds you sow in life, then ask yourself;

Are you satisfied with your reaping?…I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

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Do You Remember Me?

August 30th, 2009

toyagrn.JPG We first met in the fourth grade when a note was passed my way. It read “do you like me? Yes or No – circle one.” This is my first memory of a tingly feeling inside. My fetal mind was unable to describe it. I only knew it made me smile. The seed was planted and without any evidence of your arrival you disappeared. Honestly, I can’t really say that I missed you. My 9 year old mind was not ready for you. Then;

I got to know you in High School when you returned to me. Contrasting our first introduction; you stayed a while placing yourself in the [perfect vehicle] to nurture my heart. You taught me passion, gave me permission to receive you, and showed me how worthy I am of you. I learned your depth, range; I embraced your ability to make everything in my sight……………Beautiful. We had the perfect relationship, but eclipsed from me was another part of you.
Throughout my childhood I had experienced various types of hurt, but never had I felt such pain as I did the day you left me. I couldn’t help but wonder how you could shine on me and teach me so many things. Wrap your arms my soul and tug at my heart strings and suddenly, without a warning……….. turn your back on me. How could I ever forgive you enough to let you back in? Then;

In my adulthood I understood you. I learned that you are a gift. The Greatest gift and to truly understand your depth I had to experience every facet of you. I took for granted your gratitude, forgiveness, pain, pleasure, expression, and acceptance. Instead of cherishing our time together, I selfishly assumed I was your only student.

Love; in this ode to you I only hope you will accept my apology for not lifting you as high as my arms reach. I looked past you instead of taking you in with a slowwwwwwww inhale.

Love..Do you remember me?

Words are my life and this is my ode to Love. Have you taken Love for granted? Is your heart prepared for Love? Speak to me…I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl!

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Have you been asked the proverbial question?

August 17th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGI recently became aware a distant acquaintance of mine is now engaged to be married. Encompassed by traditional sounds of “awe” and excitement, I said,”wow, what a blessing to have found The One.” A mutual friend quickly replied in a matter-of fact manner,
“it’s time for her to settle down anyway because she’s about to be 40 (years old). It’s been time.”

That statement kind of took me aback. I wondered how much pressure this newly engaged woman had endured throughout the years by choosing to exercise patience with her heart. How many beautiful weddings had she attended only to witness Divorce a short time later? And how many times has she had to answer the proverbial question: When are you going to get married? Most of us (women) put so much focus on a Wedding and a ceremony, we miss cultivating a relationship that is rooted and ready for Holy Matrimony. The moment a man says those three magic words, we are picking up bridal catalogs, trying on rings, and selecting the wedding party. Whoa…Gyrlfriend, can we pump brakes for a moment? Yes! He has just confirmed he loves you (and of course you love him). Yes! Both of you have committed to exclusivity, but No! The chips will not automatically align just because we are here. Imagine you have these seeds. The seeds represent your heart, soul, emotions, and everything you hold sacred. You protect these seeds because they are all you have. Your only job is to choose the soil in which you plant them. When you and your man take that step forward, both of you have chose the soil; next, you get your hands dirty and build.

Take your time Gyrlfriend! Don’t fall to the pressure of feeling inadequate or behind because marriage or the possibility of has not entered your life by a certain time. Those seeds are not for anybody, yet many of us sow them with “anybodies” and end up in a lifeless marriage rooted with the wrong person to begin with. When you sow with good, healthy soil; the Harvest is bound to be abundant. Happy planting :)

Have you been invaded with the proverbial question?…I’m listening…………Holla at ya Gyrl !

Latoya
WordsRmylife

$5.99 and up DVDs at f.y.e.– up to 60% off Expires September 15

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Get it right and Keep it tight…

August 2nd, 2009

toyagrn.JPGHello Ladies! Welcome to Holla at ya Gyrl ! Fitness. I know you thought your only obligation was to click your mouse then read the topic. Well, today is a little different. In addition to being your Gyrl, I’m also acting as your personal Trainer.

Exercise #1: Kegels

Those of us who have had the enlightening experience of child birth know the importance of the “squeeze” but rare is it that you find kegel exercises linked with sexual pleasure. The pubococcygeus is the muscle on pelvic floor extending from the pelvis to the tail bone. Dr Arnold Kegel discovered that strengthening this muscle will aid in controlling incontinence caused by pregnancy and other heath issues. Hence the birth of Kegel exercises.

I discovered that performing the Kegel during intercourse makes your man gasp mid-stroke…aaannnd, the stronger the muscle, the tighter the squeeze. I’m not saying your not tight already “down there” but imagine having the ability to shift your ‘tightness” into second gear intermittently throughout your session; providing your man with a serious suction effect. The exercise itself consists of voluntarily contracting then relaxing your pelvic muscle. Contract and hold for about 3 to 4 seconds then relax and repeat. If you feel a tight squeeze in your abdomen or buttocks you’re doing it incorrectly. The pelvic muscle should be the only one contracting.

During sex there is no science on when to squeeze or how long to do it. This is one method which allows you full control. Believe me, your man will let you know he feels it and if he’s not the vocal type then ask him. Yeah, just say “can you feel that?” and you will have all the assurance you need to continue “exercising”. Gifts for no reason, impromptu lunch/dinner dates, and trips to the mall… the possibilities are endless when you keep him whipped! …..now, stop smiling and give me 20!….Kegels that is… :)

Are you ready to get it right and keep it tight? I’m listening….now Holla at ya Gyrl!

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Can you fill the “shoes” of Big Daddy?

June 21st, 2009

toyagrn.JPGIt’s obvious my advocacy rest on the hearts of Men. Hence my topics are filled with reference to Big Daddy. I repeatedly talk about; taking care of Big Daddy, putting Big Daddy first, being Big Daddy’s girlfriend etc… I haven’t met a man yet who doesn’t smile and hold out his chest when I acknowledge him as Big Daddy. This got me thinking: Maybe I should elaborate on what it takes to be Big Daddy.

There are those who title themselves Big Daddy and there are those who LIVE Big Daddy. In my writings, I speak for those who LIVE Big Daddy. There are benefits and responsibilities to this role. Every Man wants the benefits but few absorb the responsibility. Big Daddy does what he has to do to provide for his family and that’s the bottom line. In his house hold he accepts the weight of keeping the mortgage/ bills paid, and food on the table.

Where us Ladies like to show off our diamond rings and trinkets, Big Daddy‘s pride lies in the presentation of his home, his Woman and his children. He works all day every day, smiling in the presence of his crappy bosses when he really wants to tell them to go…you know. When the budget is tight he places his needs on the back burner to make certain his family is lacking nothing. At his woman’s request, Big Daddy will sit with her and all her cackling friends subjected to mindless conversation when he would rather hang with the fellas; wear hot ass suits in the Summer to attend the weddings of people he don’t even know; sit through chic flicks, and Disney movies, need I say more?

What’s most important is at the end of the day, when the dishes are washed, kids are sleep and the house is shut down for the evening, Big Daddy is still on his job….taking care of Big Mama so she can have a restful slumber (but that’s the fun part). Big Fist in the air to those who LIVE Big Daddy…Happy Fathers Day.

Oops..I almost forgot the question! O.k. Ladies, if you have a Big Daddy in your life, time to make it known. Put him on blast right now.
Fellas, if you LIVE Big Daddy I want to hear from you! Ya’ll know what to do…I’m listening…now Holla at ya Gyrl !

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Isn’t it time to back up those Cackling Hens?

June 6th, 2009

t.bmpIn our Love-ships we all need a shoulder to cry on and an ear burn out. Our girlfriends are heavily relied on to be our advocates, confidantes and personal “Amen” section in times of crisis. This kinship of support is vital; but girlfriend can I tell you something?

Keep those cackling hens out of your relationship!

Yeah I said it! Now exhale—–> ahhh < ----- and unravel your face. Many of you allow your “girlfriends” to have more say-so in your life than you’re man. There is definitely a special place reserved for them but not in marriages or relationships. The key word is “in”. You and Big Daddy are (((IN))) a relationship. Your girlfriends play the sideline position. What does that mean? They are SUPPORT ONLY. God made clear his intentions in the book of Genesis. First he created the Earth, then Adam, then Adams’ help meet; Eve. If God felt Eve needed an ally, he would have also created Jennifer to hang around and suck the life out of Adam and Eve’s relationship. Your girlfriends wish you well however they may be a little extra protective of your heart because it’s been broken a few times. Your job is to back them up a little so that Big Daddy knows without a doubt he is….Umm….Big.

I know it’s hard to let go of those Friday nights, Saturday afternoon soirees, day to day gossip and popping up at each other’s homes; you made a pact with your girls that you would never put them on the back burner, right? Well, you are in a relationship now therefore the dynamic of how your girlfriends fit into your life is changed. This is not a sad moment so pick your face up. Just think, at least 50% of our girlfriend time is spent talking about;

- Finding a good man
- Being cheated on by a man
- Leaving a no-good man
- Just met a man
- Somebody else’s man
- Man, man, man….

Now you get to spend your 50% talking about how Big Daddy keeps that smile on your face. Isn’t that beautiful?

Ladies, what role do your girlfriends play in your relationship?
Fella’s, do you feel like a third party in your own relationship?

Let your heart speak...I’m listening ….Holla at ya Gyrl!


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Are You Ready to Talk About Your Fetish?

May 14th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGEddie Murphy started something when his movie Boomerang hit theaters in 1992. Brothas’ across the Nation could come clean about their fixation towards Women’s feet. Finally, they were given permission to admit to their fetish.

We are a peculiar culture of people. As vocal and dominant as we are, we tend to linger in the shadows when we find enjoyment with things of a sexual nature considered or labeled “taboo”. I’m sure Black men have always had a fetish about Women’s feet, but seeing another Black Man (Murphy) speak so candidly about this obsession; now made it “cool “conversation.

My last topic, I promised to elaborate on my Whip:toyas-whip.JPG From the moment I purchased it, I have had a fixation with Dominating (Shh..Don’t tell anyone). I mean black leather outfit, knee-high stiletto boots, and the whole shebang! When I made the proper introduction to Big Daddy, he shook his head and gave me the “what now?” look. I suppose he thought in addition to having to survive another one of my “experiments”, he would have to get his ass whooped as well. My husband is definitely the Alpha Male in my house. Me, trying to get him to “bitch down” was NOT going to happen, period! So……I politely handed him the whip then his whole expression changed. Now it was all good, seriously ….for both of us.

It’s amazing how many of us have a fetish yet are apprehensive to talk about it. With the materialization of the internet, I understand why no one would want to be associated with the word “fetish”. I’ve seen some things that made me say, “Ewww” (yes, even me) and even I won’t go there! BUT for us long-term Relationship-ers, it’s mandatory that we strive to keep the bedroom alive and our conversations open.

Just think, if Big Daddy hadn’t put a ring on it; today, I probably would be “Mistress Toya” reminding you that you’ve been a bad boy (smile, whip cracking).

O.k. Good People, it’s time to open up the conversation and Holla at ya Gyrl. The question I pose today is simple: Are you ready to talk about your Fetish? I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl !

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Have You Made the Proper Introduction?

May 5th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGYears ago a friend of mine hosted a Naughty Girl party. Never having been to one, I had only heard it was like an Avon or Princess House gathering but with Adult products. Staring at my invitation even more curious than before, I checked Will Attend and placed the response card in the mail.

While the Consultant gave her spiel on why we Ladies shouldn’t be embarrassed about purchasing love toys, I eyed the table with fascination. Jack Rabbits, High intensity, Low or No Intensity, neon colors, butterflies, circulating motion etc..The varieties of dildos were impressive; seriously, back then I had no idea there were so many different types, yet I wasn’t as excited as everyone else about buying one. The idea of a quickie with some “thing” I was supposed to give a Pet name was not appealing to me. My plan was to chat a few minutes, browse (as a courtesy) and bounce. As I browsed my way to the door, I saw it. Yes…I saw something I could not take my eyes off. Sitting on a corner table by itself was a black leather whip with soft suede tassels. I felt bonded the moment I wrapped my little fingers around the handle. I left a check for $25.00 and walked out the house, whip in hand.

I later changed my attitude about dildos after discovering they are not solely for the solo act. I found that my whip along with toys (purchased later) were/are very useful in the bedroom and add extra fun to foreplay. Not only does it allow for multiple orgasms, but the use of toys are a great way for Big Daddy to put a slow burn on the Zones; keeping all those electrical impulses in your body, well…pulsating. If you haven’t introduced Big Daddy to “artificial daddy” there are a few rules you must FIRST know;

1. The size of your toy should not in any way, shape or length be bigger than Big Daddy
2. When you erupt during foreplay, all praises must go to Big Daddy
3. Aside from the occasional “emergency” never give it up to the toy more than you give it to Big Daddy
4. Please don’t name your toy. Big Daddy is the Alpha Male, period!

Oh, and the Whip??? Yeah I discovered a new side of me which I will elaborate on in my next topic. Today I’m asking the question;

Ladies: Are you selfish or bestowing with your toys?
Big Daddies: Have you been properly introduced? I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

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