There are those who title themselves Big Daddy and there are those who LIVE Big Daddy. In my writings, I speak for those who LIVE Big Daddy. There are benefits and responsibilities to this role. Every Man wants the benefits but few absorb the responsibility. Big Daddy does what he has to do to provide for his family and that’s the bottom line. In his house hold he accepts the weight of keeping the mortgage/ bills paid, and food on the table.

Where us Ladies like to show off our diamond rings and trinkets, Big Daddy‘s pride lies in the presentation of his home, his Woman and his children. He works all day every day, smiling in the presence of his crappy bosses when he really wants to tell them to go…you know. When the budget is tight he places his needs on the back burner to make certain his family is lacking nothing. At his woman’s request, Big Daddy will sit with her and all her cackling friends subjected to mindless conversation when he would rather hang with the fellas; wear hot ass suits in the Summer to attend the weddings of people he don’t even know; sit through chic flicks, and Disney movies, need I say more?

What’s most important is at the end of the day, when the dishes are washed, kids are sleep and the house is shut down for the evening, Big Daddy is still on his job….taking care of Big Mama so she can have a restful slumber (but that’s the fun part). Big Fist in the air to those who LIVE Big Daddy…Happy Fathers Day.

Oops..I almost forgot the question! O.k. Ladies, if you have a Big Daddy in your life, time to make it known. Put him on blast right now.
Fellas, if you LIVE Big Daddy I want to hear from you! Ya’ll know what to do…I’m listening…now Holla at ya Gyrl !

Keep those cackling hens out of your relationship!

Yeah I said it! Now exhale—–> ahhh < ----- and unravel your face. Many of you allow your “girlfriends” to have more say-so in your life than you’re man. There is definitely a special place reserved for them but not in marriages or relationships. The key word is “in”. You and Big Daddy are (((IN))) a relationship. Your girlfriends play the sideline position. What does that mean? They are SUPPORT ONLY. God made clear his intentions in the book of Genesis. First he created the Earth, then Adam, then Adams’ help meet; Eve. If God felt Eve needed an ally, he would have also created Jennifer to hang around and suck the life out of Adam and Eve’s relationship. Your girlfriends wish you well however they may be a little extra protective of your heart because it’s been broken a few times. Your job is to back them up a little so that Big Daddy knows without a doubt he is….Umm….Big.

I know it’s hard to let go of those Friday nights, Saturday afternoon soirees, day to day gossip and popping up at each other’s homes; you made a pact with your girls that you would never put them on the back burner, right? Well, you are in a relationship now therefore the dynamic of how your girlfriends fit into your life is changed. This is not a sad moment so pick your face up. Just think, at least 50% of our girlfriend time is spent talking about;

- Finding a good man
- Being cheated on by a man
- Leaving a no-good man
- Just met a man
- Somebody else’s man
- Man, man, man….

Now you get to spend your 50% talking about how Big Daddy keeps that smile on your face. Isn’t that beautiful?

Ladies, what role do your girlfriends play in your relationship?
Fella’s, do you feel like a third party in your own relationship?

Let your heart speak...I’m listening ….Holla at ya Gyrl!

I want my Gyrlfriends with real Men to take a breath (Inhale…now exhale),then read what I have to say with an open heart and an honest mind.

Did you know your man needs you to be his best Cheerleader? That means when he comes home from work, greet him with excitement, kiss him with passion, and listen. That is his instant band-aid for the wounds he collected through out the day. See, I don’t know how to walk in a Mans’ shoes because I’m not one; but I do know that life beats harder on Men than Women. Therefore when he comes home feeling defeated (and he will), don’t go into “fix it” mode by lecturing or giving instruction. Your expertise is not needed. Plus, he can get an opinion from anyone; but what he does need?! he can ONLY get from YOU. YOU are the reason he battles the world, roars the loudest and grudgingly tucks his tail sometimes when he really wants to tell his boss to go to Hell. YOU are his motivation so be available! Be available to listen, nurture, massage his shoulders, rub his head, lay with him etc. More importantly take- his- side. Make it clear you are here for him. Remember, this is his moment so don’t one up him with a comparison of how bad your day was.

I know I’m always pointing the finger at us and its likely your wondering is all that really necessary? Nope, it isn’t. It’s only necessary if you’re with a man you truly love and plan on spending your life with.

Will you be his Best Cheerleader? Speak to me….I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl !

When a man falls in love with you he is hardwired to please you, stand up for you, protect you and be a Man to you. He wants to pay the bills, fix stuff around the house (even if he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing), help you with chores, do his part with the children, and basically spoil you. But you make it difficult for him to own his role when you complain about everything he does. If he cleans the house, you point out what he missed; when he attempts to cook dinner you’re directing him on what to cook next time and how to cook it; when he is tough with the kids you undermine his authority in front of the kids, and if does anything on his own, your giving him unsolicited advice on how he can do it better the next time.

If your intentions were to commit yourself to a Man then stop treating him like a Boy! Talk to him with the respect he deserves, especially in front of his friends. You picked him and I’m assuming you would not choose a man you have no respect for, so back off a little.

I’m so relieved Men are not as “helpful” as we try to be They are so wonderful about not stepping into our territory and allowing us shine. Why not do the same for them?

Have you replaced your Man with a Boy? I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl!

Godspeed,

Latoya

Our fixation with the number of years married seems to over-ride whether passion and deep love still exist. I had an “ah ha” moment when I was confided in by someone close to me married almost 30 years. In my life, this couple was comparable to the “Huxtables” ; envied by most, financially sound, and seemingly affectionate toward one another. A tragic event happened which lead me to her and as our conversation became more intimate she disclosed the details of her loveless marriage and regrets not divorcing at her 10 year mark. She described virtually two strangers living among each other raising children. Now in her late forties, she has accepted her way of life as being as good as it gets.

One of my biggest fears is to look back on my life in my old age and regret not having the courage to make a decision that would have changed my life. I don’t claim to fully understand love but I do know I have not been to the depth of it. I know I would never negotiate love for the sake of a number. I would never choose a number over love. How about you?

I want to know, how many of you find that your number of years married are synonymous (or not) with love….I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

Much debate still continues over whether the G-spot exists. At this point in my life I’m convinced that Women who feel the G-spot is a myth has never experienced an orgasm from the G, and Men who agree the G-spot is a myth have no clue how to find it. Patience is a Virtue when locating the G, because if you have never been there it’s likely you won’t find it if you give up too quickly. The worst thing you can do is become so fixated on trying to find your woman’s G-spot that your sexual experience with her becomes sterile and rigid as opposed to a sensual journey.

A G-spot orgasm is more intense and heightened than a vaginal one. You will know when you hit your woman’s G-spot because she will release a sound unlike any you have ever heard and her back will arch so high even you will be amazed! Now let’s find it.

Women can also locate their own G-spot, but for the purpose of clarity, I’m writing this with the intention of a couple doing this together. First, slowly insert your finger (s) inside the Nani crooking it forward in a “come here” motion until you are up to the second knuckle. The texture of her vagina should feel slightly bumpy or ridged. That’s when you know you have entered the “G”. The other tell tale sign is that is that her breathing and movement is noticeably heavier.

She won’t orgasm immediately but she will lose ALL control of her body. The intensity of her orgasm depends on the pressure you give to get her there. It varies. This is something you will have to experiment with. If her G-spot is swollen, she is already fully aroused and the blood has rushed to that area. She is on the brink of orgasm and your “come here” motion should start at least at medium to heavy pressure. That’s it! All you have to remember is “come here”.

Ladies have you experienced the “G”? Fella’s can you stimulate the “G” and give your woman one of the most incredible orgasms ever?…I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

From Adams’ rib God created the only Helper and supporter you will ever need on this Earth. How else would we be able to fight you, love you, feed you, nurture you, smile for you (even when you don’t deserve one), and live with stretch marks for you?

When we truly love you, we are a damn good help meet. We know your needs whether you verbally express them or not, but….what we are not so good at is expressing what we need from you. In that aspect, we operate more on an emotional level than a practical one. Instead of just saying, “I need you to pay more attention to me,” we hope that you read our minds, our body language, heed our subtle sometimes enormous hints, or notice anything that will make you ask, “what’s wrong?”. Then….when you comply and ask the magic question, we reply with a pathetic, “nothing.” Which 99.9% of the time ALWAYS means it’s….. something!

Can I speak for myself and maybe a few other women and tell you what we need? What I need?

I need you to hug me first, hold me tight for no reason at all, tell me I’m beautiful, kiss me the way you used to, talk to me, trust me with your fears, surprise me with a gift, call me in the middle of the day and tell me how much you miss me, play with me, laugh with me, make love to me passionately, listen to me, be interested in me, & be my protector.

Me Me Me!…I know it may sound a little Me “ish”, but whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, this is what we need from you & likely won’t tell you.

Are we asking too much?…I’m listening, now Holla at ya Gyrl !

Godspeed
~Latoya~

Remember when you used to be his girlfriend years ago? You did what ever you had to do to make sure you were available to answer his phone calls. When you said “hello” into the receiver the tone of your voice changed immediately to a sultry purr. He knew he was Daddy and Daddy couldn’t wait to see his Girlfriend. He loved when you used to wear those low cut tops and the “girls” peeked out just enough to tantalize. He was licking his lips enjoying that appetizer. Then when you turned to walk away from him and swayed your ass the only way a sista’ can, he was hypnotized. You were flawless in your simulation of cluelessness.

Why did you stop being his Girlfriend?

I applaud you for being a wonderful Mother to your children as well as a faithful, dedicated wife to your Husband, but it’s not enough. In your quest to accomplish one goal, you lost sight of the basics which is being your husband’s Girlfriend. Take your mentality back to Girlfriend mode, when you were fighting for his last name. You wanted to feed him, nurse him, nurture him, sex him, taste him and love him. You wanted him deep inside you and while he was there you kept him going talking all nasty in his ear.

Why did you stop being his Girlfriend?

You don’t always have to cook a 3 course meal & tire yourself out before Daddy comes home. Order take-out, skip the laundry and put the kids to bed early. If you can’t get them to bed, be creative. Put on their favorite DVD and take your husband to the bathroom for a quickie. If you really want to keep it sexy and Girlfriend-ish, Go Deep and watch that sparkle return to his eyes.

Are you ready to let him have his Girlfriend? …..Holla at ya Gyrl !

Godspeed
~Latoya~

Love is also complex, reckless, and irresponsible. When you were young and in Love you planned your whole life with your boyfriend/girlfriend and I bet none of the planning included financial strategy. Love just always seemed powerful enough to pick up the tab.

Then we grow, become wiser and more experienced “Relationshipers” and all the pureness we had in our hearts become tainted. The innocence and ideology of Love is altered because of those who broke our hearts. Therefore instead of wiping the slate clean when a new person comes along, we bring them in with a hard heart and provisions thus eliminating our focus to discern true Love. Another cliché which opposes my opening one is, True love is hard to find. I feel we are all destined to experience true Love, but our own selfishness or desperateness blocks the blessing that awaits. Most of us are on extreme sides of the scale. Either;
1. We are so desperate for Love that we give our heart to everyone who comes along, or;
2. We have been so hurt by Love that we push away those who truly Love us.

How do we get to the middle?

We can start by leaving our old relationship garbage on the side walk for the garbage man to pick up. Negative emotions such as resentment, hate, and jealousy carry with us if not dealt with and eliminated prior to entering a new relationship. In order to let Love in, you have to prepare your heart for it just as a host would prepare a room for a guest. When a room is prepared for a guest, there is no evidence of the prior guest. The room is cleansed and made anew as should be with your heart. Are you ready to let Love in? I’m listening! All you have to do is Holla at ya Gyrl!

Godspeed
~Latoya~